May 26th

by meghan, 05-26-2006, 07:28 PM

Well things have been going well. Within the past few weeks I have picked up surfing. I have some surfing buddies (James, Soups and Genarro) I go with every Tuesday and Thursday. I've been lucky enough to borrow a beater board from James and a wetsuit from Sally. Its amazing how connected you feel when you are submerged in a massive body of water, a body that consist more of the earth than land does. It can be gentle and playful at some points and wicked and brutal at others, but isn't that life. Its amazing how much exercise you get and how many different muscles you use in this sport. Surfing is something I have wanted to do ever since I was a little girl. My mom, the beach fanatic, would always take us to the beach as kids and slather us in sun screen and send us out to play with our boogie boards. I remember getting so good that I was able to stand up on the boogie board. Now I finally have the time to do it for real. <br><br>Sal and I are heading up to Yosemite with some friends to go camping this Memorial day weekend. I'm excited because it is also something I have always wanted to do. I guess I went as a little kid but have no recollection of it. I'm excited to have some fun before Wednesday's Gamma Knife procedure. I will let you all know how everything goes. If you have the time please let me know what you are up to by writing it in the thoughts and comments section. <!--emo&B)--><img src='http://meghanmckenna.com/mb/style_emoticons/default/cool.gif' border='0' valign='absmiddle' alt='cool.gif'><!--endemo--> <br><br>

May 18

by meghan, 05-18-2006, 10:39 PM

Still working on letting go of old beliefs and putting myself first before others. Everyday is a new test and new lessons to learn. Its so easy to forget sometimes that I have cancer and the extent of whats going on or what I've created. I'm working on inspiration. Making the daily routines fun, creative and motivating. Its like looking through a new set of eyes, a child's eyes, with no judgement, anger or fear. Picking up on the little things in life and putting a creative, fun spin on them. Like skipping to the car or twirling in the chair before getting on the computer. Laughing is so important. I realized I haven't been laughing. Everything becomes so serious. Did I make the right decision, am I taking enough supplements, was I happy enough today? And then I realize I'm just getting caught up in the rat race again. Truly enjoy every moment, find the beauty in things that piss you off. Because there is beauty in everything, its whether we choose to see it or not. <br><br>The Gamma Knife Brain Radiation got scheduled for Wednesday May 31st. I will just have gotten back from camping in Yosemite. Another big thing I can cross off my New Years to do list. I ask that you all send positive energy and prayers my way because I sure could use it. Please let me know your thoughts and feeling by posting them on the message board. I love reading what you all have to say. Thanks for all of your support. <!--emo&:)--><img src='http://meghanmckenna.com/mb/style_emoticons/default/smile.gif' border='0' valign='absmiddle' alt='smile.gif'><!--endemo-->

May 12

by meghan, 05-12-2006, 06:55 PM

Leaving some core beliefs behind, the ones that no longer serve me. The ones that create an unpleasant, not joyful and unhappy world to live in. These beliefs create a fear of success and a fear of failure, a double edged sword. Ones I have created and made my reality. Ones that surround me on all six sides, so that it seems there is no way out, when all I have to do is change my perception and let go of those beliefs. These attachments in life are like invisible robes, ones we create and hold on to. Yes I grip tightly in fear of letting go. Why? Because it is all I have known. But I know now its time to move on, move forward, let go and be happy. Tears, anger, pain, frustration, then there is laughter, inspiration, motivation, happiness and lightness. This transition/shift/change is what life is all about. The weights that are lifted. The weights we choose to carry, consciously, unconsciously and karmically. We choose these lesson and create the very life we live, to learn and grow and love ourselves and others. That drive, motivation, will and true sense of love is what life is all about. And yes it is a life time journey to get there. Enjoying the ride is the tricky part, but well worth its while. <br><br>I just received some great news from Dr. Garrett Smith. The Gamma Knife Radiation Board just approved my case. So I should be receiving a call from them before next Wednesday to let me know when the treatment will be scheduled. Thanks to all of you who posted your thoughts and feelings. It really brings me joy. Keep them coming. I will keep you all updated on when the treatment will be scheduled. I just want to thank all the people who came to my potluck party last night. Tina, Scott, Crista, Jill, James, Karen and Carla. It was a blast to be in great company with great food. Thank you all. <!--emo&:D--><img src='http://meghanmckenna.com/mb/style_emoticons/default/biggrin.gif' border='0' valign='absmiddle' alt='biggrin.gif'><!--endemo-->

May 8th

by meghan, 05-08-2006, 10:28 PM

Well of course a lot has happened since April 24th. One being that I got to see my family down in La for a Big Birthday Bash BBQ. Because we have so many birthdays close together (John, Jade, Jordan, Sean and I), we decided to all celebrate together. We all had a great time listening to music, eating delicious food and being together. I really do miss being around my family. As weird as it sounds all of this has really brought us closer together. <br><br>I got to see some of my fabulous healers: my acupuncturist Andreas Schwerte, my energy worker Kerstin Marie Wheale, my chiropractor James O'Connell, and my massage therapist Wayne Ing. Thank you all for being so inspirational and amazing at what you do. <br><br>I got to go to a Giants game with my buddy Bill Cooke. It was a beautiful day but unfortunately they lost. I got to go camping at Salt Point for my Birthday. Thank you Sally, Soups, Tina and Terra for making it so much fun. It was great to be out in nature. Mother nature is so powerful, loving, forgiving, tender, raw and peaceful. Just when you think you have her figured out she changes it up. She is so intricate and continually amazes me. Thanks to all that sent me Birthday cards, text messages, emails and phone calls. They were much appreciated and enjoyed.<br><br>On the not so great side of things, I just received some bad news. I got a follow up MRI last week because the last one I received six weeks ago was undecided whether one of my lesions got bigger or if it was just swelling. The good news is that all of my previous lesions are still the same size. The bad new is that there is a new lesion in my frontal lobe. Its about 1 cm in size and its unfortunate because it was undetectable six weeks ago. So my case will go in front of the Gamma Knife Board this Thursday. I'm hoping to get gamma knife within the next 2-4 weeks. I'm not sure if I will be put back on Temodar or what other things can be done in the mean time. I would like to go back to Brazil sometime in June or ASAP. I am a little sad but still extremely hopeful. The great things is I have absolutely no symptoms and I feel great. I'm exercising, I feel great and I am enjoying every moment of everyday. I would love to hear from some of you. Please post some of your thoughts and feelings about whatever. Just go to message board and just above journal is a place for you to post your thoughts. I love you all. I thank you for your continued love and support.

April 24th

by meghan, 04-24-2006, 09:02 PM

Hey yall. Its definitely been a few weeks since I last wrote. Since then I got to go and visit Sally's family in San Luis Obispo and my family in LA. I ran a 5k on the 9th and watched Sally and Terra finish their first Half Marathon together. It was definitely a sight to see. I got to see my mom, twin brother Sean, older brother Jackson and his family (wife-Jennifer, sons-John and Jordan and daughter-Jade) and I got to see some old friends from High school (Melanie, Alisha, and Gabi). Got back in SF this past Wednesday and enjoyed some of the good weather. I would have to say the most exciting part of this past few weeks was the skydiving that we did Saturday April 22. This past new year I wrote down some things that I would like to do that I have never done and skydiving was one of them. Sally organized the whole thing. We got a group together (Sally, Kristine Hicks, Bill Cooke, Tina S., Jason Bop and his two friends). We were scheduled to go at noon but because it was cloudy we had to wait for the cloud coverage to clear. We made our jump around 3-4pm. OH MY GODDESS. I have to say I was never nervous but after the fact just thinking about it blew my mind. We flew up 14k feet into the sky opened the door to the plane (of course I was the first one out because I have no fear) leaned out. As my tandem instructor counted to three my head was out of the plan being almost blown off. I could no longer hear him count I just went limp and gave him total control. Before you knew it we jumped out of the plane and did several flips. Sky....plane....sky....plane and the plane kept getting smaller. Then we were free falling with my belly facing the earth/clouds. There was so much wind you could feel your checks flapping and your entire body arching back. Because there was so much cloud coverage we could not see the earth we could only see the puffy clouds. Maneuvering back and forth and free falling for 60 seconds was amazing. As we approached the clouds it got a little weird because you couldn't see beyond them. We flew through the clouds and were in complete grey and just as we broke through the parachute was pulled. And there it was complete calm and stillness. I remember the moment with so much clarity. Heart racing, body plummeting and within a moment of time complete stillness....you could hear a pin drop. You could see mother earth and were being held by father sky. After making a few adjustments to the harness so that I would be in a sitting position my instructor asked if I liked spins. Hell yeah I said. So the rest of the way down we did spins and flips. When I landed I could feel the adrenaline even more. I screamed with excitement and cheered on all my friends. It wasn't until after that I realized that I free fell 4K feet in 60sec. Pretty cool. Jason Bop and his two friend unfortunately didn't get to go because after our jump it just got more cloudy. So they will sometime in May. If I'm lucky I'll do it again.

April 6

by meghan, 04-06-2006, 09:03 PM

Hi everyone. I hope all of you are in harmony with the beauty of life. I had an amazing time in Palm Springs and I'm glad to be back home. Sally, Dr. Warrner, Jill and I all went to see Jack Kornfield at Spirit Rock Meditation center. It was great to meditate and hear him speak. I received some amazing work from KM Wheale this week and have had some revelations. This past week has been a time of transition for me. I've been feeling the urge to be doing something positive for the world. The more I felt this the more I felt guilty about not doing anything about it. And then it dawned on me. I need not to do but to BE. And in Being I will be more connected to source and in essence more connected to the world. Being is done through mindfulness, meditation, and living in the moment. This positive practice is what shifts things.<br><br>Sal and I are heading down to San Luis Obispo for a week and a half. Sal has some depositions and other work down there so we decided to stay for a little while. I will be visiting my family next week while sal is working. I can't wait to see everyone. I miss you all very much. Thats all for now. Love, compassion and gratitude.

Source/God/Universal Lifeforce

by meghan, 04-06-2006, 08:40 PM

This is a piece from Brazil that resonated with me today and I thought I would share it with all of you. <br><br>Source/God/Universal Lifeforce<br><br>I spent so much time looking for You,<br>And didn’t know where You were.<br>I gazed at the infinite and couldn’t see You,<br>And thought to myself: Do You really exist?<br>I wasn’t pleased with the search, and went on.<br>I tried to find You in religions and temples<br>But You weren’t there either.<br>I searched for You through priest and pastors<br>And couldn’t find You either.<br>I felt lonely, empty and desperate; I disbelieved.<br>In offending, I stumbled<br>In stumbling, I fell<br>In falling, I felt weak.<br>Weak, I looked for help.<br>In help I looked for friends.<br>With the friends I found affection.<br>In affection I witnessed love being born,<br>With love I saw a new world.<br>And in this new world I decided to live.<br>What I got I decided to give.<br>Giving something, I received a lot<br>And in receiving, I felt happy.<br>Being happy, I found peace.<br>And being in peace I saw<br>That You were inside of me.<br>Without looking for You,<br>I found You at last!<br>

March 29

by meghan, 03-29-2006, 09:31 PM

Since I last wrote a few things have taken place. First off I ended my post surgery 40 days of no spicy foods, alternative/holistic treatments, sex and alcohol (even though I haven't been drinking for nine months). So needless to say its been fun eating spicy foods and receiving chiropractic care and massages. I went to get a hair cut last week thinking I would be getting a trim but it developed more into a short cut. It's all good hair grows back. So hopefully we'll get some new pictures up so you all can check it out. Last year at around this time Sally and I went to Dina Shore weekend in Palm Springs. Its an all women's event and we had a blast. Last year we scheduled to come again. This up coming weekend we will be driving, early Friday morning, to palm springs. We will get some pictures there and post them on the site. <br><br>Off all of the fun topics and on to the more serious ones. I requested that Dr. Smith call me when he got back from out of town which was this past Tuesday. I wanted to ask him why I needed to wait another six weeks to get an MRI. I knew it couldn't be because of Radiation since its Magnetic Resonance Imaging, and was hoping it wasn't something weird. So he called me last night and answered my questions. He said that the Gamma Knife Board, Doctors, were unsure if the increase was tumor growth or if it was just swelling/necrosis (tissue death). So in order to tell the difference we need to wait another six weeks to rescan. So everything is working out perfectly, exactly the way its supposed to. <br><br>I was listening to a cd yesterday that was talking about intention and how it is directly related to connection with Source/God/Creator. When you change the way you look at things the things you look at change. Create and manifest your life with love as intention. Come from a place of love, ease and compassion, not fear, anger and frustration. The speaker mentioned the fact that many people say Hey how can I be full of so much love when there are children starving, people dying etc. No matter how much you try to starve yourself or even try to kill yourself it won't change what is going on. Don't feed it guilt, anger and frustration because that won't solve a thing. Love yourself, connect with yourself, commit a random act of kindness, and connect with source. This is what changes energy and energy changes people because when it comes down to it that's all we are made up of. Well I'm off to Meditate and then I'm going to therapy. Manifest a beautiful day. Love you all. <!--emo&:)--><img src='http://meghanmckenna.com/mb/style_emoticons/default/smile.gif' border='0' valign='absmiddle' alt='smile.gif'><!--endemo-->

March 20th

by meghan, 03-21-2006, 01:26 AM

I think I made a mistake on my last entry....it should be March not February. Lots has happened since I last wrote. Some would consider this bad news but I really think the universe is working its magic. I received the results from my mri and one of the "lesions" got 20% bigger. Because all my lesions reduced by 20% post gamma knife, one of them is back to where it originally began. Now I asked the universe to give me signs on weather I should do the MDX-10 or not because I was unsure of doing this experimental drug when I got back from Brazil. The signs I received were numerous and obvious. When I got back from Brazil my medi-cal was mysteriously canceled, apparently some computer glitch, my scans were never scheduled, my MDX-10 doctor canceled his appointment with me and never rescheduled, I could not for the crap of me fax the reinstated medi-cal info to my doctor because the fax machine kept eating it up, the clinical research nurse Madeline Rose mysteriously quit her job (she is the only reason I considered the trial because the main doctor had absolutely no bedside manner and I would be working with her the majority of the time. She apparently was his saving grace) and last but not least one of the lesions on the MRI got bigger. Because there was an increase I'm not eligible for the MDX-10 trial or any other trial until my brain has stabilized for at least 6 months. Dr Smith is thinking about Gamma Knife Radiation and wait another 6 months for it to be stable again. So this means I don't have to decide on doing this experimental drug. My heart was telling me not to do it and my mental body was saying if its bad you can go off it. Its amazing, if you ask for things you shall receive them. I asked for signs and I definitely got them. So I'm excited for what is to come.....Brazil and more alternative work. Everything happens for a reason and I know in my heart this was the right thing. <br><br>I've been really enjoying my time with Sally and wishing we could spend more time together. Its hard when Monday comes around because we have just spent the entire weekend together and it sad to not have her around. I plan on going down to LA sometime soon to see my family...Mom, Sean, Jackson and his family. I miss all of you. My 40 days is up tomorrow so I can finally eat spicy foods and receive alternative healing. I'm overwhelmed with joy.....chiropractic, acupuncture etc.....ahhhhhhhhhhhhh. Please feel free to write whats going on with you or your thoughts. Its always nice to here from you. I check this site often to see if you write. Love, compassion and gratitude. Meghan <!--emo&:P--><img src='http://meghanmckenna.com/mb/style_emoticons/default/tongue.gif' border='0' valign='absmiddle' alt='tongue.gif'><!--endemo-->

March 13

by meghan, 03-13-2006, 09:13 PM

I had a great weekend. Sally and I started it off by going to yoga Friday evening. It was very grounding and mellow, just what I needed. After yoga we went over to the east bay to pick Chrissy up from the airport and hang out with some of my friends from school. Phil, Binnie, Alissa, Masha, Vince, Sally, Chrissy and I all had an amazing vegan organic dinner that Phil made. Thanks Phil. After dinner we played 90's Trivial game had dessert. I haven't played a board game in a long time. I forgot how much fun they are. It was so much fun and a little sad all at the same time. These are the people that I went to school with and bonded with. This bond will be forever but it is sometimes hard to see them continue on the chiropractic path without me. But then I realized what an incredible path I have been on and how much I have learned and how much I have grown. I would'nt take any of it back. I would have to say all of this has been a blessing in disguise. <br><br>Saturday morning Sal and I woke up early and went to get my MRI at 8am. I was lucky that they let Sally come in the room with me. Throughout the MRI I ascended to a spiritual plan. A plan where physical manifestations, such as cancer, didn't exist. It was almost as if my body ascended and all of the tumors in the physical realm below me sluffed off. It was quite interesting. After the MRI sal and I went to an organic bakery for some breakfast. Afterwards we headed out to Funston Beach with Terra. We had a blast. We went hiking through the trails and eventually got down to the beach. There were sand cliffs on one side and the beach on the other. Some of the cliffs were 90 degrees and some were less. We would throw sticks up the hills and Terra would haul ass running after them. She got more activity that day then I've ever seen. After our hike we ran some errands and had some lunch. We met up with Chrissy later that evening and had dinner and watched a movie all piled up in our bed. <br><br>Sunday Sal went on a long 8 mile run with Ali, Dede and Terra. Chrissy went and got a massage from Wayne and I cleaned the house. Sal, Chrissy and I went to brunch at Herbivore and did some grocery shopping afterwards. Chrissy headed back to la and Sal and I headed back home. We ended our Sunday evening having dinner over at Tracey and Kaleb's. I had an incredible weekend. I was full of friends, fun, and lots of love. Thanks everyone for making it so special. <!--emo&:lol:--><img src='http://meghanmckenna.com/mb/style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif' border='0' valign='absmiddle' alt='laugh.gif'><!--endemo-->