December 4
#1
All had been going pretty well since my last Dr. Smith appoinment. For all of you that have difficulty with graphics, skip this journal entry, please. Its for your own good.

I had stop doing colonics because there was blood coming out. I figured I had over done it, which I did. I think it was a combination of things. Coffee enima's and castol oil pack were releasing alot of toxins which are acidic, therefore wearing down my anal lining. There was a lot of insertion and exsertion of the colonic tube, which was creating a really raw feeling about an inch or so up my anus. To make a long story short, I stoped the colonics. There was no blood coming out in my stools. Then after a few days there was blood coming out after my stools. It was never in the stool but in the toilet water and on the tp. This irritation has continued to get worse. Its then started hurting on a continual basis. It feels like ripping and tearing 24/7 in the external area of the anus to an inch or so internal. When I go to the bathroom it feels like razor blades are attached to my stools and then when I'm done it feels like someone is pouring alcohol all over that area. Ok, so you get that the pain is pretty bad. This past weekend in Tahoe, I broke down. After crying on most of the car ride up because I was in so much pain and crying the next morning, I called Dr. Smith. He ordered me some anusol with cortisol, suppositories, and some lydicane to numb the area. The first day it worked wonders. The second day it worked pretty good. Today the pain is not as bad as it was initially but I'm still having discomfort just sitting here. There is still pain and blood upon going to the bathroom, but not in the stool. I'm pretty sure I have anal fissures. I think its a combination of cleansing and the meds that I'm on. The med have created cracking and drying all over my body (feet, hands, lips, face) and I'm sure its contributing to this problem and its probably slowing down my healing process.

I've been eating some solid foods like almond butter and celery (to gain some weight back) and some soups because the juices that I make have ginger and lemon in them. You got to know this fucking burns coming out. Also because I'm juicing all day I'm going to the bathroom between 6-10 times a day.... and this really hurts. So I've been trying to stick to really mild things as to not exaserbate my butt. More solid foods like soup. This is solid enough that it doesn't make my stool hard but I'm only going to the bathroom 2-4 times a day. This is much better than 6-10 times. So that being said Sal and I do our routine measuring of my palpable tumors. 3 out of 4 of them got a 1/2 an inch bigger this week. Thats a lot for one week. We haven't seen an increase or decrease that big in the past seven weeks. The only things I have changed in the past several weeks are I've stop colonics etc and I've started eating more food. So where do I go with that?

So now I'm going on a downward spiral. I want to stay positive, law of attraction say's if you feel good you are having positive thoughts and the universe will create positive things for you, but its so hard to do that when you're in pain. When I do my visualization, I'm not only seeing the things I am going to manifest but I really feel it. Its so hard to feel things when you are in pain. Its so distracting. If things in my butt don't change in a few days I'm going to call Dr. Smith and have him send me to a specialist.

If you have any thoughts or idea concerning all of this, I would really love to hear them. Post them on the thoughts and feelings area. It would be of great help. Thanks.
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#2
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#3
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#4
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